I've been having sleepless nights lately and I had a serious thought about my life. I just realised I have not accomplish much for the last 19 years of my life. Time flies and there are a whole long list of things to achieve before I hit 30. Yes, that's in 10 years time but I really want to achieve it all for my parents before they go off to the netherworld.  I want have to graduate as both of my brothers hadn't got the chance to do so; I'm the only hope for my parents. Get a decent job with decent pay, get a nice guy to bring back home and introduce to my parents proudly, owns a car and landed property so my parents wouldn't need to worry over my future. The last thing that I really hope and wants to do is to take care of my parents. I hope I will have the chance to do so. I know that the list seems so short but it's all long term plans unlike "losing weight and learn to cook". This worries me the most; will I be able to do it in such short 10 years?

I'm actually afraid of growing up; more responsibilities and decision making. I think I've been pampered and "protected" a little too much in my own shell; my family. I'm perfectly capable of being independant but it is actually a habit for me to not take the lead or make the decision when I do have a choice. Hence, everyone sees me as the dependant one to my family and friends. I guess I just want to stay in my cocoon of comfort and love but now I have no choice but to grow up and I'm worried. I do have the tendancy to worry too much about failures and challenges. Everyone just tells me to stop worrying myself silly but I just don't know what to do. I'm feeling helpless, lost and frustrated once again and of course the urgency to achieve what I have planned out in that mere 10 years.

put a smile on. 10:25 PM